Between Him and I

Sweet Jesus, it has been no secret to you that over the past few years, Andrew has been suffering. It is no secret to you that our nights have been restless and our mornings filled with anxiety. It is no secret to you that he is hurting, feeling alone and defeated and it is no secret to you that at times this is all too much to handle. It is also no secret to you, that this conversation between You and I would one day happen. So here it goes… Just as the psalmist David once wrote…

How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer O LORD my God.
Give light to me eyes or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
But I will trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord for he has been good to me. Psalm 13

I too have those every same questions. How long will you turn away from my husband? How long will he continue to suffer and have sorrow and anxiety within? How long until he can fell your love and be reassured of his place as your son? How long until enemy no longer triumphs over him? Lord, come quickly, this is a trying time and if there is something we, as one, are not seeing, hearing or learning, please Lord, light a bush on fire and help us out. As his wife, it is hard to see him suffer.

I will take this anxiety, if it means relief for him, give it to me, just give him relief. Give him a restful night, calm his fears, strip him from the nightmares and wake him with peace. I will do w hat ever you ask. I will sell all we own and give it to the poor and follow you, just as you asked your disciples to do. I will step out of the boat in faith, I will leave comfort and stability behind, I will do whatever you ask. Just ask, just make it clear and bring your peace.

Lord, if I may be so bold, I am done watching him suffer. I have had it, I know your healing power and I am starting to doubt. Your word is made of promises, we have cast the anxiety upon you, we have laid it at your feet, we have prayed continuously, we have sought you in your word and nothing. The anxiety is still there, the restless nights come every day and the toll it is taking on my man is too much. Ease the burden, even if you have to give it to me, just ease the load he carries daily. Your word says that you will make our burdens light, and yet, my man is heavy laden.

Regardless, you are Lord, you are God, you are the Alpha and Omega, and I will praise you in this storm. I will trust that it will not last forever, although 3 years is starting to feel like forever. You have been good to me, you have been faithful, but please just be good to him. Be faithful to him. He loves you, he is faithful to you, just come and come now.