They love their dog...

 Isaac has fallen in love with his new friend Buckey. We rescued Buckey from a shelter and he has made himself at home. Isaac takes him for runs, walks, bike rides and hikes. 

Regardless of the weather, as soon as we get home from school, the boys are outside for a while. They run, they ride bikes, they play. Isaac seems to think Buckey needs to learn how to run while Isaac scooters, but for some reason, Mama isn't okay with that one yet! 

Isaac has a few responsibilities now that Buckey lives with us. Isaac is in charge of feeding him and picking up after him. :) 

Buckey has come to love Caitlyn, mostly because she feeds him what he isn't suppose to eat. 

Even if it is through the holes in the sides of the pack and play, Buckey isn't far from her when she has any kind of food.

Oh she knows exactly what she is doing, she loves it and so does Buckey! 

There is something so sweet about having a dog. Watching him love on the kids and watching the kids love on him is just one of the sweetest things.

Caitlyn and Jesus

We had the opportunity to dedicate our daughter a few weeks back. It was very special, a lot of our friends from our small group dedicated their children the same night so it was fun to be there with them as well.Papa and Nana came, Uncle Tim and Esther were there too.

I think there is something so powerful about dedicating our children. It is different than infant baptism because the choice to choose Jesus is left completely up to them and the Lord. My prayer is that my children would know Jesus and the freedom He brings not the captivity of religion. I desire them to have a relationship, unique to them, with the one and only Jesus. What ever that relationship looks like, is fine with me, I just want it to meet their needs and be what they want. 

We dedicated Isaac when he was younger as well, so this was Caitlyn's turn. It was a simple night, one done by our church family and led by our dear friend. It was different, as parents of two, Isaac got to participate. He asked me questions about it all week. He asked a lot of why questions and he was excited for his sister. It was fun to watch this moment through his eyes. 

I cannot describe this mama thing all that well, but I sure do enjoy it. I am excited to watch my kids grown up. I am loving the personalities that Lord has given them and it as been fun to discover new things with them. Thank you Jesus for my man and my babies. You are too good to me.

Nothing sweeter...

 There is nothing sweeter than a sweet Sister taking a bath in the kitchen sink! 

She loves the bath! She loves to take a bath in the sink! 

Mama loves it too. I can cook dinner, do the dishes, set the table, clean the kitchen, wash the floor, put away groceries. There is an endless list of things I can get done while she enjoys some bubbles in the sink. 

Such a sweet Sister. 

Christmas in January

Well, a little over a month ago, it was Christmas and it was a fun filled time at our house. Isaac and mama hung lights outside. It was the sweetest time, he did lots of the work and it was simple and yet fabulous! 

We decorated the inside of the house, the tree was perfect, there were touches of Jesus everywhere. The kids loved it. 

Caitlyn decorated and undecorated the tree almost every day. The kids sat on the arm of the couch and looked at the different ornaments. We read some Christmas books, not as many as we might have liked. We watched Christmas movies. We baked cookies and ate them! 

We snuggled, we laughed, we ate great food and we loved it. 

Isaac and mama made a little tree for Caitlyn to decorate and undecorate as often as she wanted. It was a huge hit and will definitely come out again next year. It was a fun craft for Isaac and mama to do together and it was fun to watch Caitlyn love it!  

Of course we saw Santa. Caitlyn was not the biggest fan of Santa, but this is the same Santa Isaac has had every year so far so he is a favorite of ours. It was a fun day, it is one of my favorite things to do with the kids. I took Isaac out of school early, we had a special lunch, we did some shopping, watched movies and relaxed once we told Santa what we wanted this year. Puzzles were big for Isaac this year! 

It was a fabulous celebration. 

Him, Jesus, My One and Only, and I still love Him!

Lots has happened. Lots of tears have been cried. Lots of stuff has been done and undone. Lots of time has been spent in prayer and anger. Lots of stuff, life's stuff has happened.

You see, for some time now, life has been a little overwhelming. I can almost pin point the date and time when things changed. A major transition occurred in my life two years ago, I found myself no longer employed by the place that had provided friendship, financial provision and routine for me and my little family of three. The sheer crushing blow to my self confidence has knocked me to the ground and I have stayed there, face down on the ground for two years.

It wasn't just the job that was the issue, things started to pile up from there. It was just the beginning, and I had no idea at the time it would be a two year process, which has lead to a very hard 6 months. I am not gonna lie, there have been moments that I thought things would never be normal or okay again. It was just the start of the adventure.

So, there I was, in this pit, no job, thrown into the life of a full time mama, while I searched for a job that paid money. I had started a ministry and began the process for it to become a Non Profit Organization, I had started writing, I had heard from the Lord about what was in store for me, I had known beyond any doubt that Girls Only Ministry would be my career, my life long calling. I sent out resumes and cover letters, I was a college graduate with LOTS of experience and didn't think it would be hard to find a job.

Shortly after my employment changes, my beloved dog went to be with Jesus. I had never experienced such a loss, such heat ache, such pain. I still miss her to this day. I still hurt and I still cry over her.

A few months had past and more happened. An issue had come up that required me to get a lawyer. And a lawyer is what the Lord provided. It was Good Friday, I got an envelope delivered to my door in the morning, I got on the phone, I got in the car and I drove an hour to my parents house, I didn't even have on the appropriate clothing or shoes for what the day would hold. I met a man who loved Jesus and loved my family and didn't even know me. I met a man who would fight for me without asking for a dime in return. I met a BIG man, and by BIG, I mean he had to go duck and turn side ways to walk through a door way.

I am just started to see the damage that this one envelope had done to my heart. I am just starting to real heal from the words with this delivery. I am just starting to really talk to Jesus about it and it has been TWO YEARS!

Months had past. I had learned to cut coupons and save money in very way I could. I had learned to embrace a new routine as an at home mama that included trips to the library. I had received the very first copy of my first Bible Study that has been published. We had great family moments. I was enjoying my time with Isaac, but something deep inside was hurting.

I spent the mornings in the Word, I gave myself manicures and pedicures at home, I enjoyed life as best I could. We spent the summer camping, we enjoyed Isaac's 3rd birthday party with friends and family. We had put our townhome on the market and were going to sell the house.

We had an offer on the house and started to pack. Little did we know at the time we wouldn't be moving. We unpacked. Enjoyed Christmas. My heart still hurt. I cried a lot. I tried the best I could to be okay.

We said goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011.

We learned that Isaac would be a BIG BROTHER. My pit dwelling time just started to consume me. My husband was working hard for our family, he works nights and took on more shifts and looking back I felt trapped within this pit I couldn't get out of. This pregnancy has been hard, we have had a rough time with our little girl, I have had a rough time emotionally and am ready to meet my daughter and hold her tightly! I am ready for her to be here, I just have to wait a little longer!

A few things have changed for our family financially over the past few months, which has provided us a way out of our town home. So, there we were packing once again. We had found a rental home we liked and were ready to move at the first of this month. But, just before we signed the lease, the plan changed and our things remain packed. We are waiting. I am waiting.

I have learned to speak honestly and openly with my Sweet Jesus. I have learned to give Him my opinion regardless of how it might sound. I have learned to be mad at Him and still love Him. And most of all, I have learned that I have been in a pit for a long time and am ready to get the heck out of it. So together, He and I are working on getting out of the pit I jumped into and never go back!

So for now, we will wait, I will wait on the Lord, I will dive into the Word and demand His attention! I will rest in the home we have for now and prepare for the one that is to come. I will wait, just wait.

Gone, but back...

Well, a lot has happened in the Vigil house hold since I last posted pictures, wrote words down on paper or seen anyone really. We will get more into that later. But in the last few months, I have cried lots, laughed some, ate lots, and spent lots of time smothering myself with my child and my husband.

It has been an interesting few months. But, the Lord has remained faithful and I have emerged from under the cleft of the Rock stronger, more humble, cautious,wounded yet healing, refreshed yet still tired, and more educated and in love with Jesus. More on this journey over the next few days.

In the midst of everything the Lord has been doing, the moments of laughter have been a HUGE blessing. So we will start the recap of this journey with one of the best memories, bowling...



I took Isaac with me to an event for Girls Only Ministry, we had a bowling night, and it was his first time bowling and HE LOVED IT!



The night was good for my heart. The night was filled with laughter and love. My son thought bowling was the greatest thing in the world. I had some time to be wrapped up in watching these girls laugh, I sat back and watched my son play and play hard, I enjoyed the blessing of laughter.



I want to take Isaac bowling again, but the memory of this one trip is still so tender to me, I can't move on yet. So for now, I will cherish this one and re live it over and over again!



Did I mention we also ate bowling ally food? Which was FABULOUS!



More on the events of the past few months to come...

Journal Journey 4

“The Lord won’t give me more than I can handle.”

I've been saying this quote every minute of the last few days. I seriously have been repeating out loud to anyone who would listen. You see, right now, in my house, we are moving... we are scheduled to be out of our current place by December 17, 2010 - we have started packing... but we also have a three year old. Which means, things don't always happen how I would like them to happen!

But in addition to our rambunctious, stubborn, full of energy, delightful, challenging, boundary testing, full of laughter, child, we also have other stuff on our plate. My husband works full time, he is currently working nights, and I am working for Girls Only, as well as a few other tasks the Lord has given to me. So... is it true... "The Lord won't give me more than I can handle"

This gets thrown around a lot. I say it a lot and I say it to other people a lot. My intention is to try to encourage a friend or family member whenever times are tough, however, recently, the phrase would not leave my mind and I have been on the journey for truth, so I have decided to dig into a little bit.

I understand the importance of encouragement, I for one, thrive off of words of encouragement… but more than anything, I want TRUTH! While this phrase sounds very positive and affirming, you will not find “God won’t give you more than you can handle” anywhere within the pages of the Bible. It simply doesn’t exist.

What you will find is the verse that it appears to be a misquotation of, 1 Corinthians 10:13:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. (emphasis mine)

Through my research, I have come to learn TRUTH POINT #1: God does not tempt anyone.

James 1:13 emphatically states, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God,’ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.”

So, while God does not tempt us, He does, in His sovereignty, permit us to be tempted. This is to grow us in holiness. When Paul writes that God will not tempt us beyond our ability, Paul means that we are never in a situation where have no other choice but to sin.

In a situation where telling the truth will damage your reputation, for example, it’s much easier to give in to the temptation to protect how people see you and lie, rather than do the right thing, which is tell the truth. TRUST ME, the temptation of protecting one’s reputation, or “testimony”, is near and dear to me. But again, I have been on this journey of TRUTH…

And I have learned that easy rarely equals right. We always have the option of doing the right thing, that which is honoring to God, but it will often cost us—whether that cost is reputation, position, relationship, or money, there will be a cost.

TRUTH POINT #2: God will not allow us to be tempted beyond our ability to do what is right, He will almost always give us more than we can handle on our own. Learning this little piece of truth has not helped my overwhelmed, stressed out, tired, self. But again, it is about the journey of truth!

Over again in the Bible, we see men and women who are given far more than they can handle. The prophet Jeremiah is a great example; he was charged with preaching repentance to the people of Israel, a calling that caused him to be beaten, plotted against and rejected by everyone, even his own family. Emotionally, that was far more than he could handle (as we see in his many laments).The ministry of the Apostle Paul is probably one of the most powerful examples of this truth found in Scripture.

In 2 Corinthians 11:21-30, he tells us the following:

But whatever anyone else dares to boast of—I am speaking as a fool—I also dare to boast of that. Are they Hebrews? So am I. Are they Israelites? So am I. Are they offspring of Abraham? So am I. Are they servants of Christ? I am a better one—I am talking like a madman—with far greater labors, far more imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant?

If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

Paul doesn’t tell us these things to boast in how he took all this suffering and adversity like a man—he does it so that we might know that God will always give us more than we can handle. He ”boasts of the things that show my weakness” (v. 30) because those things show his (and our) dependency on the power and mercy of God. Earlier in this letter to the Corinthian church, Paul exhorts his readers with the following:

For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead (2 Corinthians 1:8,9, emphasis mine).

What he tells them is this: “We were so afflicted that we thought we were going to die! We were burdened beyond our ability, and we could not handle it—But God gave us this adversity and burden so that we would rely on Him who can!”God is making it clear that we are not self-sufficient. We cannot just hunker down and power through every situation. And we cannot white-knuckle our way to holiness. We need Him. So maybe we need to stop seeing the trials and adversity in our lives as a burden, as an indication that God doesn’t love us. Maybe we need to start seeing them as proof that God indeed loves us very much—so much so that He will not let us try to rely on our own strength, but continue to show us that we must rely on Him to endure suffering and persevere until the end.

So… as overwhelmed as I am, as tired as I am, as stressed out and cranky as I have been today, I will no longer look myself in the mirror and say to myself “He will not give me more than I could handle…” Because if it is not TRUTH, it is NOT from Him, and if it is NOT from HIM, it is from the enemy, who will not have a place in my life. So back off you evil nasty thing, get behind me and take your stinking lies with you!

Instead, I will look at myself in the mirror and say TRUTH POINT #3: “I will not have to walk through this without HIM, He is with ME, and together, WE can do this.” I will repeat over and over again “Jesus loves me this I know, for HIS WORD, tells me so”… I will run to His word, I will journal all of my frustrations and stress. I will talk with Him as I walk through this stressed out time in life. Because this I do know:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

TRUTH POINT #4: I do KNOW that HE sent His Son to die for ME, I do know that I am HIS and HE is mine… so let’s do this thing!

Journey Journal 3

I am still in the midst of this journey of surrender. It's been an emotional journey thus far and if the only thing that comes out of it, is that I am able to know, He loves me and who loves me not, than so be it, I will continue...

He LOVES me... Jesus loves me this I know, for the BIBLE tells me so...

... he loves me not... "Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made" Genesis 3:1

He LOVES me... He is the giver of all things... on May 22, 2004 Andrew Vigil chose to marry Mary Olson and make her HIS wife...

... he loves me not... he is the father of lies... "... When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

He LOVES me... He gives life abundantly... on October 19, 2007 Andrew and Mary Vigil became the proud and humble parents of Isaac Martin Vigil...

... he loves me not... he leads me into temptation... Matthew 4:1-11

HE LOVES ME... The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness. For His name's sake. Psalm 23

He LOVES me... this I know, this I have seen, this I have recored!

Journey Journal 2

In the midst of this journey...

... there is a 3 year old boy that has helped his mama get her "homework" done...

... there is joy in the midst of the interruptions, there is grace in the midst of the frustration...

... and there is laughter in the midst of the tears... Praise Jesus for Isaac, whose names just "happens" to mean laughter!

Journey Journal 1

I am on an 8-9 week journey with the Lord. I am learning what it is like to surrender the things that have "held me up" for so long. You know, I have gotten so use to carrying around my own baggage that I don't think I will be able to stand up without it. Let alone, walk. I have gotten use to carrying it around, learning on it, claiming it as a part of my identity. I am not sure I know who I am with out all that stuff.

I am keeping a daily journal, but I have decided to blog this journey as well. Mostly because I am a verbal processor but also because in the last two weeks my world has been rocked, in a good way. I have learned more about my JESUS in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible. So, I am back, to blog, to post pictures, to process....

I have always been comfortable with the title LORD... when it comes to The One and Only. But I have never really embraced His title of Father, Abba, until now. I came across an AMAZING passage: Isaiah 43:2-4 from The Message translation.

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end—Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.

For some reason, after reading this passage, it hit me... HE IS MINE! ALL MINE! I read this passage and it felt like it was a letter from my Father, to HIS daughter. I can't contain the feelings that rush in like an out of control flame... it takes my breath away, my face gets hot, my hands get sweaty and my heart beats faster than ever before: He'd sell off the whole world, the very thing HE created with HIS own hands, just for ME... perfectly imperfect ME!

Part of this journey includes opening the baggage I have walked around with for so long, opening it, calling it by name, bringing it before HIM, honestly talking with HIM about it, leaving it with HIM and accepting whatever HE chooses to do with it.

In the midst of the business of this journey there are constant interruptions by a dearly loved 3 year old, the responsibilities of the Non Profit Ministry that is run out of our home are overwhelming and the fact that laundry has to get done, bathrooms need cleaned, groceries need to be purchased and meals need to be made are too much to handle at times, I have found my patience is less than normal.

I find that I get cranky at the drop of a hat. My response is a "NO" because it is what comes to mind first, rather than a "YES". My alone time is non-existent. My quiet time consists of any minute I can get away, and a few minutes or an hour or two on a good day after the 3 year old is in bed for the evening...

I find that I am constantly running to my Abba, my FATHER, for help. For His WORD says that when I am over my head, HE is there... and let me tell you, I have been over my head for a while now. I am constantly embarrassed by the way I respond to the sudden RUSH of emotions. I yell at my man for really no reason at all. I can hardly wait for nap time and bed time during the day, just the stillness of the house brings peace, in the midst of a rather consuming emotional time.

And yet... His love letter to me stands firm. I will not be consumed by the over whelming emotions of the journey. I will not drown as a result of my attempt to navigate these rather rough waters. And in the midst of it all, He would sell off the very thing HE created just for me. And yet, I am hardly functioning on a good day, and HE still thinks of me as worthy enough.

Pictures, processing and imperfections to come...

sur·ren·der

 [suh-ren-der]

–verb (used with object)

1.

to yield (something) to the possession or power of another;deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: tosurrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolengoods to the police.

2.

to give (oneself) up, as to the police.

3.

to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.:He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

4.

to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

5.

to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor ofanother.

–verb (used without object)

6.

to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit oryield.

–noun

7.

the act or an instance of surrendering.

8.

Insurance . the voluntary abandonment of a life-insurancepolicy by the owner for any of its nonforfeiture values.

9.

the deed by which a legal surrendering is made.

I am on a journey to surrender - surrender my pride, my secrets, my shame, my past, my future, my husband, my son, my life and my love. I am not sure what this journey looks like, all I know is that the ONE I am surrendering to, is GOOD. He is good, HE is true and HE is love. Here is to a journey that will change me, change my love for HIM, my life and my heart...