As I prepare to get a second opinion, and maybe a third, I had to "process" everything... You see, my precious one, my little Nhyja, pronounced like Nia, was given to me by my husband, Andrew in May of 2005. She was 1 year old when she came to live with us. She is a pure bread Lhasa Apso and I loved her from the moment I saw her. Andrew came home and said there was something in the garage I needed to see, and there she was, behind his car, just the cutest thing I had ever seen. My heart was taken, I loved her.
Andrew got sick in 2006 and she cuddled with me at night as we watched him sleep. She licked the tears from my face as I cried out to Jesus on behalf of my husband and she listened to every prayer, every frustration and every fear I ever spoke. And she did it without ever changing the way she loved me.
I'll admit, we didn't walk her everyday, or even weekly, but man we loved her. She slept on the end of our bed, sometimes in the middle of us and there were times I shared my pillow with her. I think we spoiled her. My daddy built her a house in the garage. Isaac would put her in her house as we left in the morning for daycare/work. He would ask me to roll down the window as we pulled out of the garage so he could wave and say good bye to her. He loved her.
When we brought Isaac home from the hospital, she wasn't sure of him at first. But she eventually got use to him and he fell quickly in love with her. Before he goes to bed at night he says goodnight to the puppy, gives her a hug and a kiss.
He gets excited when he sees her when we walk in the door and has tried on more than one occasion to out her in time out. He thinks it is fun to help his mama around the house, specifically, letting her out to go potty in the grass, he waits for her by the door and is so proud to let her back in house when she is done. He loves to feed her, and if the treats were not kept out of his reach he would give them all to her at once.
I will miss hearing "puppy come on" as he tries to make her play with him and his trains, cars or balls. I will miss hearing "NO puppy" as he tries to help me discipline her when she potties on the floor after it had been freshly washed.
It breaks my heart to say good bye to her, but more than that, it breaks my heart to try and tell my son why she isn't there when we come home any more. I will miss watching him love her and I will miss her.
I will miss how warm my lap is after she has slept there for hours. I will miss having to fight for some space in the bed as she tries to take over my side of the bed. I will miss her. I love her.
Preparing to let her go is hard. Preparing for life with out her is something I cannot even picture. Preparing to be the "grown up" sucks. Sometimes, being an adult, being the mama, being the one to make hard decisions and appointments just sucks.