Friday, November 26, 2010

Journey Journal 3

I am still in the midst of this journey of surrender. It's been an emotional journey thus far and if the only thing that comes out of it, is that I am able to know, He loves me and who loves me not, than so be it, I will continue...

He LOVES me... Jesus loves me this I know, for the BIBLE tells me so...

... he loves me not... "Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made" Genesis 3:1

He LOVES me... He is the giver of all things... on May 22, 2004 Andrew Vigil chose to marry Mary Olson and make her HIS wife...

... he loves me not... he is the father of lies... "... When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." John 8:44

He LOVES me... He gives life abundantly... on October 19, 2007 Andrew and Mary Vigil became the proud and humble parents of Isaac Martin Vigil...

... he loves me not... he leads me into temptation... Matthew 4:1-11

HE LOVES ME... The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness. For His name's sake. Psalm 23

He LOVES me... this I know, this I have seen, this I have recored!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Happy 3rd Birthday Isaac Martin!

We had a little party at our house for Isaac...

There were decorations, balloons, AMAZING food (thanks to my man), and LOTS of gifts...

... don't worry, there was also cake!

Grandpa, Grandma, Papa, Nana, Papa George (mama's grandpa), MorMor (mama's grandma) were all there! Auntie Esther, Tim, Auntie Mandy, Uncle Jim, Mercedes and Auntie Card was there too!

At the end of the party, we let the binkies and ballons go the the puppy (Nia) who is now with Jesus... big boys don't have binkies!

Not having the binkies around went well for Isaac, he did great sleeping without it, he hasn't missed them really. He misses the puppy more...

Isaac - 3rd Birthday

A month ago, I had a date with the most handsome little man EVER - we went to the Aquarium, like we did last year! It was fabulous! We met Auntie Esther there too!

We spent most of the time looking for Nemo and Dori! When we found them, it was a BIG deal!

We had a great day! We ate lunch at the Aquarium cafe and just enjoyed our time together. A special day for mama, Isaac and Auntie Esther!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Journey Journal 2

In the midst of this journey...

... there is a 3 year old boy that has helped his mama get her "homework" done...

... there is joy in the midst of the interruptions, there is grace in the midst of the frustration...

... and there is laughter in the midst of the tears... Praise Jesus for Isaac, whose names just "happens" to mean laughter!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Journey Journal 1

I am on an 8-9 week journey with the Lord. I am learning what it is like to surrender the things that have "held me up" for so long. You know, I have gotten so use to carrying around my own baggage that I don't think I will be able to stand up without it. Let alone, walk. I have gotten use to carrying it around, learning on it, claiming it as a part of my identity. I am not sure I know who I am with out all that stuff.

I am keeping a daily journal, but I have decided to blog this journey as well. Mostly because I am a verbal processor but also because in the last two weeks my world has been rocked, in a good way. I have learned more about my JESUS in the past two weeks than I ever thought possible. So, I am back, to blog, to post pictures, to process....

I have always been comfortable with the title LORD... when it comes to The One and Only. But I have never really embraced His title of Father, Abba, until now. I came across an AMAZING passage: Isaiah 43:2-4 from The Message translation.

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end—Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you.

For some reason, after reading this passage, it hit me... HE IS MINE! ALL MINE! I read this passage and it felt like it was a letter from my Father, to HIS daughter. I can't contain the feelings that rush in like an out of control flame... it takes my breath away, my face gets hot, my hands get sweaty and my heart beats faster than ever before: He'd sell off the whole world, the very thing HE created with HIS own hands, just for ME... perfectly imperfect ME!

Part of this journey includes opening the baggage I have walked around with for so long, opening it, calling it by name, bringing it before HIM, honestly talking with HIM about it, leaving it with HIM and accepting whatever HE chooses to do with it.

In the midst of the business of this journey there are constant interruptions by a dearly loved 3 year old, the responsibilities of the Non Profit Ministry that is run out of our home are overwhelming and the fact that laundry has to get done, bathrooms need cleaned, groceries need to be purchased and meals need to be made are too much to handle at times, I have found my patience is less than normal.

I find that I get cranky at the drop of a hat. My response is a "NO" because it is what comes to mind first, rather than a "YES". My alone time is non-existent. My quiet time consists of any minute I can get away, and a few minutes or an hour or two on a good day after the 3 year old is in bed for the evening...

I find that I am constantly running to my Abba, my FATHER, for help. For His WORD says that when I am over my head, HE is there... and let me tell you, I have been over my head for a while now. I am constantly embarrassed by the way I respond to the sudden RUSH of emotions. I yell at my man for really no reason at all. I can hardly wait for nap time and bed time during the day, just the stillness of the house brings peace, in the midst of a rather consuming emotional time.

And yet... His love letter to me stands firm. I will not be consumed by the over whelming emotions of the journey. I will not drown as a result of my attempt to navigate these rather rough waters. And in the midst of it all, He would sell off the very thing HE created just for me. And yet, I am hardly functioning on a good day, and HE still thinks of me as worthy enough.

Pictures, processing and imperfections to come...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


–verb (used with object)
to yield (something) to the possession or power of another;deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: tosurrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolengoods to the police.
to give (oneself) up, as to the police.
to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.:He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.
to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).
to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor ofanother.
–verb (used without object)
to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit oryield.
the act or an instance of surrendering.
Insurance . the voluntary abandonment of a life-insurancepolicy by the owner for any of its nonforfeiture values.
the deed by which a legal surrendering is made.

I am on a journey to surrender - surrender my pride, my secrets, my shame, my past, my future, my husband, my son, my life and my love. I am not sure what this journey looks like, all I know is that the ONE I am surrendering to, is GOOD. He is good, HE is true and HE is love. Here is to a journey that will change me, change my love for HIM, my life and my heart...