It's HERE!!!!!

The book, my book, HIS book is here! It is beautiful! It is everything I wanted it to be.

It is not perfect, I am sure there are mistakes, mis-spelled words and on going sentences. But that pretty much sums up the author...

I prayer is that you read it, fall in love with Jesus and laugh... I hope you enjoy!

You can purchase it here: CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE

Broken bones and tennis shoes.

It is no secret that gymnasts have ugly feet. It's a given. If you have ever watched gymnastics on TV, you will notice that the feet of these athletes take a beating. They are covered in white chalk, they are blistered, sometimes they are bloody and most of the time, some bone somewhere in their feet is broken. And, I can personally testify that gymnastics is one painful sport. I, personally, have broken numerous bones in my feet over the years. It is all thanks to those uneven bars and balance beam routines. Not to mention a funny landing on a tumbling pass or two. I grew up walking around barefoot, at times my feet were covered in athletic tape or in tennis shoes. Not to mention I spent the winter weekends and vacations in ski boots, so I have not always been a fancy shoe kind of girl. Needless to say my feet are at home in my tennis shoes.

When life gets out of control, or I start to question exactly what the Lord has planned for me and my family, I often slip my feet into those old, warn out tennis shoes and do a little something active. I have been known to go for a run, a long run, when a dear friend was dying of cancer. I have been known to go tumble at the local gymnastics center when the nights were a little too long and Andrew was a little too sick. I have also been known to slip on those tennis shoes, turn the praise music up and clean the entire house top to bottom. I am at home in my tennis shoes. I am at home, in my home. I am at home sitting under a tree, just Sweet Jesus and me. I am at home when things are peaceful and when things are anything but peaceful, I run home as fast as I can.

I feel like the past few years have been the longest gymnastics competition of my life, and my feet are just done. I have enjoyed the time I have spent, just Sweet Jesus and me. I have loved our long talks, our long nights together as we watched Andrew sleep and I am tender to the times we have worked out together. But now, life is changing, once again. And this summer has been the start of it all. I have been stretched and taken out of my comfort zone. I have had to leave my tennis shoes at home and slip my feet into some hot pink pumps, yes I purchased some bright, hot pink pumps and I have worn them to work twice. I have had to work with people, get to know people again and most of all, get comfortable around people again. I have had to leave the comfort of my home, my tennis shoes, and my alone time and get out there and do His work, with His people. I feel like I have been learning a new balance beam routine and in the process, my hands, feet, heart and soul have all taken a beating.

I may have to leave my tennis shoes behind, but through this process, He has clearly communicated to me that I will never have to go anywhere without Him, regardless of the shoes I wear on that particular day, He walks with me. I love that.

Sweet Jesus, sometimes growing up is not so fun. Sometimes, growing in general is not so fun. It is always rewarding, and thank you for being patient with me as I try to keep up with what you have in store for me. I love you and would follow you anywhere. Amen.

Blistered but Steady Feet

I have been looking for new shoes for a while now. I wanted to get a cute pair of black and brown sandals that I could wear at work and on the weekends. I finally found something I liked at Payless, well, I only found a pair of black shoes there. However, I went to Kmart and found a pair of brown sandals, both pairs look fabulous. They are simple, cute and hied all the things I hate about my feet in a very stylish and fabulous way.

Following my weekend purchases, I had to get away from the office yesterday, it was the typical Monday. I was missing my baby and I longed to be at home, I had laundry to get done, I wanted to clean the house and I was drawn to the idea of having all the windows open, reading while Isaac napped and fresh air blew thru the house. So, since I HAD to be at work, on my lunch break I went to get my toe nails painted, I am too cheap to pay for a pedicure but I will pay the $8.00 to have them change up the color... I had the most uncomfortable, yet sassy shoes on and I wanted to slip into my new fancy black sandals but my toes nails were in no shape to be on display at work. So a little lunch out of the office was a must, plus it totally opened up the option to display my new shoes several times this week.

So today, I got dressed with my new brown sandals in mind. My entire outfit was focused around what looked best with my shoes. I changed my pants three times just to make sure I had on the ones that looked just perfect with my sandals. Once I had selected the perfect pants, the rest of the outfit just came together. The morning went smooth; I got Isaac to day care on time and to work on time. The trouble did not start until around 10am, just a little over 2 hours after I first slipped my feet into my new fabulous, fiercely adorable brown sandals from Kmart.

Around 10am I tell ya, my feet were on FIRE! The sandals were easy to walk in, but the leather strap that ran across the top of my feet dug into the sides and just kept digging with each step. I am convinced I will break them in. They were cheap, they are cute and they are just a titch uncomfortable, but I am praying about that. Seriously, I am going to pray about the breaking in process of these shoes because my heart is just so fond of them.

It all got me thinking, Psalm 17:5 says, My steps have held to your paths; my feet have not slipped. Then if you turn to Psalm 26:12, it reads, My feet stand on level ground; in the great assembly I will praise the LORD. And finally, there is Psalm 40:2, He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

During the entire day, I never had any trouble walking in the shoes. My feet were stable with each step I took, but with each step that leather strap just dug farther into the skin on the sides of my feet. I left for work with a cute outfit and new shoes and I came home with blisters. How many times in our lives do we experience the exact same thing? How many times do we find out selves in the midst of trying times, painful times, yet it is in those times that we are stable, our feet don’t slip, our faith holds strong, our foundation is rock solid. Those are promises I cling to. Those are promises I pray over my son, that his days, no matter how difficult, may be days with steady feet. I pray that he might stand on holy ground, steady ground and stable ground, regardless of what might come his way.

I am so honored to serve a God who places my feet on a rock; He gives me a firm place to stand and He makes sure my feet do not slip; regardless of what shoes I happen to choose that morning. Regardless of the choices we make, His promises remain. How great is our God? Seriously? How Great Thou Art!

Sweet Jesus I love you – Thank you for keeping my feet steady, regardless of what shoes I choose to wear in the morning. Regardless of my choices, you are You, and You are God. And I LOVE YOU! I praise you Abba, I praise you! Oh and Daddy, please heal my blistered feet and ease the break in process of my new shoes. Bless me with comfortable brown sassy sandals. Amen.

My new self... "Spring Cleaning"

I blogged about cleaning, well, a "sticky note" from my precious Savior who suggested it was time for a good cleaning. For now, the house is clean, and I have started to process the internal cleaning He has done within me. You see, over the past three years our lives changed. My husband changed, but lately I realized, I changed too. I have watched my husband change, our marriage change, our lives change and I finally got it, I also changed. Today I realized it and it was as plain as day. You see, when hubs got sick, I fell to my knees, no joke, my face pressed to the floor, Jesus and I became tight. We were always tight, but this time was different. I became interverted, I became shy, unsure of myself and for the first time in my life, I had no words to say, if I was not talking with Jesus, I got nervous, I had no words, nothing came. And today, I realized, I am so much more comfortable either on my knees, face to the floor, or in the back ground of the party. I am not sure it is a bad thing, however, it is hard to get use to. I got comfortable with my new normal, and now, now that we can go out, socialize with people, see friends we miss, I get nervous. I have no idea what to say, I can either talk about how great Jesus has been to us over the past three years, or I can talk mama talk about my son. But really, I do not know how to just talk with people anymore. Mostly, because life has changed for everyone. Three years has brought newness to everyone’s home, not just mine.

Jesus, give me confidence. Give me strength to reach out and get to know the people I love, once again. Amen.

What did their Sticky Note say?

During all of this time with Andrew suffering, I have come to understand the Word so deeply. Recently, I have come across a story that is near and dear to my heart lately, it is the story of Isaac, which played a part in my love for that name… but anyways… here it goes.

Genesis 12:1-7, tells us about God’s call and promise to Abraham. At that time, his name was Abram, and his wife’s name was Sarai. God promised Abram that He would make of him a great nation and that He would bless those who blessed him and curse those who cursed him. How cool of a promise is that? Seriously, I love that the One who created the Heaven’s and the Earth will bless those who blessed this man and curse those who cursed him.

After hearing the promise, Abram and Sarai, along with Abram’s nephew Lot, pulled up stakes and traveled south until they arrived in Canaan, the promised land. One remarkable thing about God and His promises to Abraham is that He told Abram the same thing several times (See 13:14-15, 15:5), but Abram and Sarai weren’t quite sure how God was going to fulfill His promise. This is exactly where I am right now. I have been hearing the same thing for a while now, but am not sure exactly how He will do what ever He has planned and I am not even sure what His plan is… I tell ya, I have been tempted to pack up and move to Canaan as well, a new location, might mean a new message right?

You see, these two couldn’t have children (11:30), and it seemed obvious that this problem was a major obstacle in the way of the promise that they would become a great nation. At one point, Abram seems to think he’ll never have any children and that a servant will be his heir (15:2), and then Sarai comes up with the idea that maybe God wants Abram to have children through Sarai’s servant, Hagar (16:1). So, between having severe doubts and trying to solve the problem themselves, Abram and Sarai ended up going through a lot of turmoil as they waited to see God’s promise come into being.

I can relate to these two. Now, I have been blessed with a son, Isaac, but their story is near and dear to me. You see, I have asked for another “sticky note” from my Sweet Jesus and this one, well, it did not have any of the information I wanted. It simply said “WAIT”… yep…

It comes up everywhere, it seems like I cannot escape this one. I was praying over my man last night, and there it was, posted to my alarm in the morning. I was praying over our situation as I enjoyed a caffeinated beverage this morning, and there is was on stuck to my computer at work. Those 4 little words are following me everywhere. And just like Abraham and Sarai, I don’t want to wait. I for some reason am having a hard time waiting for much longer. After all, it has been almost 3 years… Now, Abraham and Sarai waited for much longer than that, but I don’t think we can make it that long.

When I kept digging into their story, it seemed like God was delaying, and in the mean time, trouble would come their way. A famine came into the land (12:10ff), and they went to Egypt, but because Abram was afraid, he and Sarai agreed to deceive the Egyptians and conceal their marriage, claiming that they were only brother and sister. The same sort of thing happened again later when they deceived another king about their marriage (see chapter 20). Because of this deception, Sarai was taken into the household of other men, first of Paraoh and then of Abimelech. Imagine how you would feel if you were Abram–imagine how you would feel if you were Sarai! They were waiting and yet, nothing, or at least it appeared like nothing.

Finally, however, Sarah (her name and Abraham’s were changed in 17:5 and 15) became pregnant long after she was of child-bearing age, and she gave birth to Isaac. A squabble broke out between Sarah and Hagar, because Hagar thought she was better than Sarah–she had been able to bear a son for Abraham and had named him Ishmael. Sarah got tired of Hagar acting superior and of Ishmael making fun of Isaac, so she demanded that Hagar and Ishmael be sent away (chapter 21). Abraham didn’t feel very good about that–after all Ishmael was his son–but God told him to listen to Sarah. You would think that finally God would be satisfied that they had waited in faith and that He had now fulfilled his promise of giving them an heir.

However, in chater 22, we read about one last test. This one gets me every time. God tells Abraham to take his only true heir, Isaac, to a mountain and to sacrifice him to God. Seriously, after all they had been thru, after all the waiting and tests that came their way, they are suppose to give up the every thing they waited for, for so long?

I admire the man for even walking out of the tent, because I am not sure I would have even gotten that far. It turns out that just as Abraham was ready to plunge the knife into Isaac’s chest on the altar, God stopped him, satisfied that Abraham really believed that God could overcome even the death of Isaac and still fulfill His promise. God provided a ram for the sacrifice instead.
I cling to their story. I cling to Abrahams faith in God and Sarah’s devotion to her man. I admire the faith it must have taken to tie his son to that alter and look into his eyes as he is about to sacrifice his one and only son. I at times, feel like Andrew and I are right there with them. Trying to wait in faith and trust with everything we’ve got that something bigger and better is in store. But the faith at times, starts to run out, conversations with Jesus happen with great passion and frustration at the center. We are tired, we are spent and yet, we are still being tested. At this very moment I know I do not have the strength to tie my son to an alter, I am not sure I would have the strength to do that once this “adventure” was over. I am not even sure I have the strength to continue to very basic and necessary tasks life requires, you know, laundry, dishes, work, etc.

In the New Testament passages, we find out that Abraham is held up as a man who believed God’s promises despite the apparent impossibility of them being fulfilled. He is also shown to be one who put feet to his faith by obeying God when God told him to do something. I want to be that kind of servant. I want to have that faith, I want to have that strength. I want my man to have that as well.

Sarah is held up as a model for women, showing them how to be influential with their husbands. We know, having read Genesis, that Abraham and Sarah were not always confident in their faith and that there were several times when their marriage went through difficult periods. But in the New Testament, we learn that they triumphed.

It’s good to know that God doesn’t demand perfection, because right now, I cannot give Him that. I don’t think I could ever give Him that. But He does want us to hold tight to our faith and to the ones we love as we travel the path He has prepared for us.

It is because of their story that I am okay with the sleepless nights, the reoccurring night mares, the repeating of scripture over and over again just because it is truth and that is all we cling to. I am okay with where we are, because they made it. God delivered them, He fulfilled His promises and those promises I will cling to. I guess I just want a different sticky note… may one that will give me more information, like a time line or a deadline of some sort. Anyone else, just want a little stick note every now and then?

Sweet Jesus, I praise you for the night of restful sleep for Andrew. I praise you for a night free from nightmares and one of rest. Thank you for that simple but much needed gift. Give us strength to hang in there and wait. Our goal is to be obedient to you, to serve you, to go where you lead and complete the challenges you have set before us with integrity. Just watch over us. Never leave us, reassure us of your promises and love for us. Come into our home and make your presence known. Heal my man Sweet Jesus, bring healing. I love you. Amen

Spring Cleaning

A while back... I got a little sticky note like this...


This sticky note would probably be found clipped to the soap or shampoo in the shower. It leads me to this passage from Hebrew 9:22: In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.

The first thought that comes to mind is simple: If I were to clean my bathroom with blood it would create more of a mess, am I right? Just picture it, it’s towards the end of the week, Isaac is in bed and Andrew is playing the Wii. It is in these moment that I take time for myself. I love to clean, it kind of relaxes me in a strange way.

So I head up to the bathroom and under the sink is my carefully organized cleaning caddy. Complete with everything I should need to clean the bathroom in one fowl swoop. There are sparkling white rags, paper towels, Windex, Soft Scrub, Scrubbing Bubbles, my beloved Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet wand, Swiffer Dusters, Dusting Spray, Dusting clothes and finally, a toothbrush, just in case something needs more attention than normal.

I always start with the sinks. Because my husband is in love with the electric razor and I am a woman, we tend to have little bits of hair on the counters and if you ever just get right to it with a little water and a rag, you will notice that all you do is smear the hair all over the place, so a quick dust with the Swiffer Duster and we are in business. Then we move onto a little Soft Scrub, a nice bright white cleaning rag and some warm water and we are off, ready to rock and roll. In no time at all, the sinks are done, the counter top is sparkling and we are ready to move onto the bathtub, then the toilet and finally we finish the grand project with a little Windex on the mirrors, a mop and a bucket of soap and water for the floor and it is like a brand new bathroom. I can do it all in an hour tops.

It makes me happy just thinking about it, it makes me want to run home, right now in the middle of the day and give it some quick love. Now, I love anything that is freshly clean, soft tenderly warm right out of the dryer clean bed sheets, soft fluffy clean towels or even a clean pair of socks, it just feels right. As long as I have clean socks and underwear, I swear I could go for a few days in the wild… Clean means something to me, it speaks to me, it makes my heart at peace. It sparks something so deep within my soul that I want to obtain that feeling over and over again, hence me getting a little stressed when too much time has gone by between house cleaning weekends.

But if the law requires everything to be cleansed with blood, the results would be different. It would be a messier process, it would take longer to get the white tub white again, my fluffy towels or beloved bath robe would get a stain or two and the process would not be a meticulously planned and executed routine as outline above with great attention to detail If you don’t know by now, some might say I am a little OCD.

The “cleaning by blood process” would be hard work. Lots of frustration, lots of washing and re-washing. Lots of sparkling white cleaning rags would be ruined and I would at some point, want to stop washing and re-washing and just kick the wall out, exposing the bathroom to the world, bring in the hose and turn the water on. I would watch the blood stained water run down the side of the house and down the street. But then I would be left with a huge hole in the side of our home, which I am sure would not be the intended result. As I was thinking about this “cleaning by blood process” I came across another passage, this one from Exekiel 36:32-34. “‘This is what the Sovereign LORD says: On the day I cleanse you from all your sins, I will resettle your towns, and the ruins will be rebuilt. The desolate land will be cultivated instead of lying desolate in the sight of all who pass through it. They will say, “This land that was laid waste has become like the garden of Eden; the cities that were lying in ruins, desolate and destroyed, are now fortified and inhabited.” Then the nations around you that remain will know that I the LORD have rebuilt what was destroyed and have replanted what was desolate. I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.’ This passage can be summed up by one little but BIG word: WORK. The resettling of a town, the rebuilding of ruins, cultivating desolate land, all of which sounds like a lot of work. But we must not over look the promise at the end. “I the LORD have spoken, and I will do it.” It could not be more simply put.

Now comes the part where I need to apply the scripture to me and the love note I received…
It is time to clean house, be washed in the blood, hang it all out there for Him to see, rebuild ones brokenness, cultivate desolate dreams and resettle the inner soul. But yet, cling to the promise the work will be done, the rebuilding and restoring will happen and it will be a success. Never the less, it still sounds like a lot of work, am I right? Sometimes I believe the sticky notes the Abba leaves me are not always warm, fuzzy, romantic ones. There are some that require work, and some that speak the truth I don’t want to hear, however, all of them bring me to Him, my Abba. They all have the same author penning them, they all are personally written for me and only me at the very time I need them. They are hand picked messages from the King to his Daughter. And I would want nothing more.

So, exactly what areas need cleaning? Everything. Just like every part of the bathroom needs attention and requires different cleaning supplies, every part of me requires extensive attention to detail and often times, several different “supplies”. The supplies can be people He has brought into my life to help dig out my dirt, or passages of scripture He has placed on my heart to help in the restoration process or dare I say it a conversation with my husband that challenges my wisdom and knowledge of His good word. All of the supplies have one thing in common, they are centered around Him, can be support by Scripture and are sometimes hard to hear. The personal process takes longer than the bathroom process, but the result is the same. Once deeply cleaned, the bathroom is like new, rebuilt with organized towels stacked neatly in the linen closet, cultivated, alive, restored with by the fresh aroma of lemon Soft Scrub and clean air, the items on the counter top are resettled, put back in place and life is good. Well, the same goes for me; my heart is rebuilt, my mind is cultivated with a renewed wisdom and my focus is resettled. But the journey; well it was hard, it took a lot of washing and re-washing, at one point I drug Him right in and watched the blood run right over me, covering me from head to two, it was bloody, I am blood stained, yet I walk away completely clean.

Praises Be Unto you Sweet Abba. I love you, you leave me breathless. Wash me clean, stretch me daily, challenge me, renew me and refine me. May all the glory be yours. Amen