Thursday, June 11, 2009

My new self... "Spring Cleaning"

I blogged about cleaning, well, a "sticky note" from my precious Savior who suggested it was time for a good cleaning. For now, the house is clean, and I have started to process the internal cleaning He has done within me. You see, over the past three years our lives changed. My husband changed, but lately I realized, I changed too. I have watched my husband change, our marriage change, our lives change and I finally got it, I also changed. Today I realized it and it was as plain as day. You see, when hubs got sick, I fell to my knees, no joke, my face pressed to the floor, Jesus and I became tight. We were always tight, but this time was different. I became interverted, I became shy, unsure of myself and for the first time in my life, I had no words to say, if I was not talking with Jesus, I got nervous, I had no words, nothing came. And today, I realized, I am so much more comfortable either on my knees, face to the floor, or in the back ground of the party. I am not sure it is a bad thing, however, it is hard to get use to. I got comfortable with my new normal, and now, now that we can go out, socialize with people, see friends we miss, I get nervous. I have no idea what to say, I can either talk about how great Jesus has been to us over the past three years, or I can talk mama talk about my son. But really, I do not know how to just talk with people anymore. Mostly, because life has changed for everyone. Three years has brought newness to everyone’s home, not just mine.

Jesus, give me confidence. Give me strength to reach out and get to know the people I love, once again. Amen.

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