Friday, September 9, 2011

Him, Jesus, My One and Only, and I still love Him!

Lots has happened. Lots of tears have been cried. Lots of stuff has been done and undone. Lots of time has been spent in prayer and anger. Lots of stuff, life's stuff has happened.

You see, for some time now, life has been a little overwhelming. I can almost pin point the date and time when things changed. A major transition occurred in my life two years ago, I found myself no longer employed by the place that had provided friendship, financial provision and routine for me and my little family of three. The sheer crushing blow to my self confidence has knocked me to the ground and I have stayed there, face down on the ground for two years.

It wasn't just the job that was the issue, things started to pile up from there. It was just the beginning, and I had no idea at the time it would be a two year process, which has lead to a very hard 6 months. I am not gonna lie, there have been moments that I thought things would never be normal or okay again. It was just the start of the adventure.

So, there I was, in this pit, no job, thrown into the life of a full time mama, while I searched for a job that paid money. I had started a ministry and began the process for it to become a Non Profit Organization, I had started writing, I had heard from the Lord about what was in store for me, I had known beyond any doubt that Girls Only Ministry would be my career, my life long calling. I sent out resumes and cover letters, I was a college graduate with LOTS of experience and didn't think it would be hard to find a job.

Shortly after my employment changes, my beloved dog went to be with Jesus. I had never experienced such a loss, such heat ache, such pain. I still miss her to this day. I still hurt and I still cry over her.

A few months had past and more happened. An issue had come up that required me to get a lawyer. And a lawyer is what the Lord provided. It was Good Friday, I got an envelope delivered to my door in the morning, I got on the phone, I got in the car and I drove an hour to my parents house, I didn't even have on the appropriate clothing or shoes for what the day would hold. I met a man who loved Jesus and loved my family and didn't even know me. I met a man who would fight for me without asking for a dime in return. I met a BIG man, and by BIG, I mean he had to go duck and turn side ways to walk through a door way.

I am just started to see the damage that this one envelope had done to my heart. I am just starting to real heal from the words with this delivery. I am just starting to really talk to Jesus about it and it has been TWO YEARS!

Months had past. I had learned to cut coupons and save money in very way I could. I had learned to embrace a new routine as an at home mama that included trips to the library. I had received the very first copy of my first Bible Study that has been published. We had great family moments. I was enjoying my time with Isaac, but something deep inside was hurting.

I spent the mornings in the Word, I gave myself manicures and pedicures at home, I enjoyed life as best I could. We spent the summer camping, we enjoyed Isaac's 3rd birthday party with friends and family. We had put our townhome on the market and were going to sell the house.

We had an offer on the house and started to pack. Little did we know at the time we wouldn't be moving. We unpacked. Enjoyed Christmas. My heart still hurt. I cried a lot. I tried the best I could to be okay.

We said goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011.

We learned that Isaac would be a BIG BROTHER. My pit dwelling time just started to consume me. My husband was working hard for our family, he works nights and took on more shifts and looking back I felt trapped within this pit I couldn't get out of. This pregnancy has been hard, we have had a rough time with our little girl, I have had a rough time emotionally and am ready to meet my daughter and hold her tightly! I am ready for her to be here, I just have to wait a little longer!

A few things have changed for our family financially over the past few months, which has provided us a way out of our town home. So, there we were packing once again. We had found a rental home we liked and were ready to move at the first of this month. But, just before we signed the lease, the plan changed and our things remain packed. We are waiting. I am waiting.

I have learned to speak honestly and openly with my Sweet Jesus. I have learned to give Him my opinion regardless of how it might sound. I have learned to be mad at Him and still love Him. And most of all, I have learned that I have been in a pit for a long time and am ready to get the heck out of it. So together, He and I are working on getting out of the pit I jumped into and never go back!

So for now, we will wait, I will wait on the Lord, I will dive into the Word and demand His attention! I will rest in the home we have for now and prepare for the one that is to come. I will wait, just wait.


  1. Luke 1
    37 For with God nothing will be impossible.”
    38 Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

    Favor. On you.

  2. 37 For with God nothing will be impossible.”
    38 Then Mary said, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her.

    Favor. On you.